Mohammad Whatshisface
During the week we have this older man who works the front register. He is from Iran and has an obnoxious sense of humor. He is pretty much me with the fat Westerner removed. We both are hard of hearing, have diabetes, are heavily medicated and could die at any minute. It seems only fitting that we are both fluent in gibberish and can understand each other perfectly.
The only problem we have with him is that no one knows what to call him. He has five names or something. Most of the time we just call him Mohammad since that was all that would fit on his name badge. We also started calling him Mohammad Whatshisface since we needed a more formal name for him when a bunch of people from the corporate office were visiting the store.
Plant Lady
Everyone loves the Plant Lady except for you. She brings in delicious cookies and has all sorts of plant advice. Why can’t you love the Plant Lady? It is easy. You are far more evolved than your other coworkers. You can detect that the Plant Lady is really a misanthropic human-hating alien.
You are the one who has to call her for item numbers. She is rude and nasty to you over the phone. She disappears for hours at a time when you have customers needing plant advice. No problem, though. Everyone just loves her.
Theologia
I have a coworker with the unfortunate name Theologia. I have never understood why parents give their children crappy names. Lets name our daughter Theologia but instead we will call her Gia for the rest of her life. That makes so much sense. I use her real name whenever I can because it annoys her.
Theologia works at the Customer Service desk. She is one of those people that are never anything but happy. She also talks a lot. Every happy thought that her psyche produces is simultaneous blurted out. She is a pretty girl with an ugly name that has a touch of the crazy.