I use to hate pooping. Oh geez, not another crap! It takes forever and requires an entire roll of toilet paper. Soon as you stand up you realize you were not really done and have to sit down for another round. Forget crapping at work because that will use up your break. I could change my diet and exercise more but that is lame.
I was standing around at work the other day thinking about the problems with pooping. Back in the days of cannons and musket guns you stuffed wadding in the gun before you put in the projectile. Taking a crap is a lot like a cannon. I wondered why someone had not invented wadding for your butt?
I remember seeing my grandma mix that orange powder in water. It was called Metamucil and I always thought it was just for old people. I went out the other day and bought some. Let me tell you, this stuff is amazing. Remember those little pills you put in water as kid and that turned into sponge animals? Metamucil is a lot like that. You add it to water and drink it. As soon as it is in your colon it balloons up helps push the crap out. It is sort of like bubble wrap for your colon.
I can now eat as horribly as I want. I drink an extra concentrated glass of Metamucil and the next day the poop just flies out of my butt. I don’t even need to wipe. Seriously. This Metamucil stuff is self-cleaning. It scrubs your butthole on the way out. It is absolutely amazing. I miss you grandma.